What street does a ghost live on? A dead end.

I am a ghost.

Transparent, empty, faceless
Haunting the living, walking as one of you
You may see my silhouette in the whisperings of trees, or feel my gaze in a song
But you will not find me there, the me you seek is gone.

My body has been replaced by leaden fog thick enough for a knife
I gain no strength from muscle, no stability from bones
There are no walls I can hide behind, no beds where I find rest
There is no escape from life, without the choice of death.

Blood Cells

I wonder if I love them, or if the distance is all in my head.

Maybe I would've known if tonight I ended up dead on the cement.

Dripping from the crack in my skull: blood that wasn't read.  

Words spilling out in forms: no one could identify what it said.  

What I meant.  Maybe I didn't even know that yet.

And that kid, dressed in white and black, running from the feds 

wouldn't have escaped.

Stopped dead in his tracks, staring at what was left.

Red and Blue lit up before another free step, but what those cops would find is not what they'd expect.

Begin routine procedures, dead bodies aren't a threat.

Ignore the signs and warnings, not a worthy story, add it to the list of Nexts.

Analyzing blood samples: not the secrets that it kept.  Dark thoughts and feelings hadn't left the cell, yet.

Your Love is a fleeting, deeply alien concept.

Do you really even know it?  Do you unknowingly pretend?

They told me love is when you'd give yourself to death.

They say love your family, love your friends...

But they don't mean enough to throw my body off a ledge.

fridays

the memories don't seem to compensate.

stolen cookies from the jar, saving swing sets in the park.

jumping on the trampoline, playing games in the unfinished yard that we shared.

remember when you said we would be the best-est of friends?

you said now that you are my friend, i will always be there for you.

remember adam always said it'd end.  we'd all grow up & go our separate ways.

i guess it happened sooner than i expected.

it happened sooner than adam expected even.

for this feeling as i move into the next phase of my life.

you probably don't remember this.  but there was one time you got sick & i thought you'd died you were gone so long.

i used it to inspire my very first song.

& we decided to start a band.  but making t-shirts was as far as we got.

we all grew up.  & all got jobs.

chasing girls & chasing dollars.

maybe it was perfect & i just won't accept it

maybe i'm just upset that i'm the kid who wouldn't throw a party at his house while his parents were out of a town.

not because he'd feel guilty.

but because no one would answer his phone calls.

maybe i just want memories that feel like a beach house song

maybe i just want people to agree with me that beach house is a great band

i just hate how this feels like failure.  not closure.

i miss our pie-day fridays.

& our aspirations to make an album.

& i never thought i'd say it but i miss lone peak.

maybe just my friends.

but i shouldn't be missing them yet.

because lone peak is over.  & i haven't moved to logan yet.

& of course i fell in love.

what a treacherous thing to fall in love.

& what a treacherous thing. this, one, meaningless life of mine.

She Never Did Set Up Her Voicemail

Hey it's me again.

Didn't I tell you?

I think I might be in love with you.

I know things are complicated

I know we don't talk anymore,

Well, not really.

 but I'm still waiting for your answer.

Didn't I tell you?

'Patience' I know, but

I am running out of time.  I mean

"Us" is running out of time.

I don't want to lose "Us"

in three months

when

I'm leaving for college.  Please call me back.

I love you.

Unmemorable

There's six more weeks of school left

It's my senior year

 ...and I'm stressing out because I haven't done anything memorable

I thought I'd have at least a few decent stories to tell by now

I don't know how I am going to answer the question "What are some of your favorite memories from high school?"

I made most of my worst memories here

It's my senior year

...and I still eat most of my lunches alone

I thought I'd have that tight knit group of friends by now

I don't know how to answer the question "Who is your best friend?"

There's eighteen weeks until school starts

It's my last summer here

...and I'll probably sleep most of it away

I thought I'd be taking a big senior trip

I don't know how to answer the question "what are your summer plans?"

There's eighteen weeks until school starts

I'll be leaving soon

...and I'm not sure I like where I'm going

I thought that I chose the right school but I'm starting to second guess myself

I just wanted a friend as a roommate

There's eighteen more weeks of 'where I grew up'

This is the final page of the first chapter of my life

...and I'm surprised I'm still reading

I thought the cover looked cool

But so far the story's really unmemorable

There Is A Better World For Us

Shoes, Puns, & Love Poem Not Written By A Girl

we first met on the bleachers

i was nike, & you were vans
we connected right away because i loved boarding & you loved sports

we stomped to the rhythm of cheers & we finished off the alma mater & we ran on to the field when the team won
(even though it was no surprise)

we kept running into each other
& pretty soon we started spending lots of time together near doorways

we started walking places

we walked on the mountains

we walked on the city

we walked everywhere

we tried sneaking into the bowling alley but they caught us & had us kicked out

we started dancing

& you made fun of me because i didn't know how

i liked the color of your eyelets

& the way you did your laces

& i didn't know how to tell you

but you could tell anyway so that was okay

we were a perfect fit

(although i was size 11 & you were size 6)

i wanted to tie the knot

& at first you were afraid of tripping

but i reminded you of all the walking we had done

& it was okay

& you were okay

& we were okay

because we were together

& it felt perfect

because we knew we were solemates